Haley and Me
by shehasnotime
Summary: Brooke reflects on how life with Haley used to be. Oneshot song fic.


**Well I started this a while ago just to rid myself of writer's block and just finished it up tonight. The song is called "Penny and Me" by Hanson, but I changed Penny to Haley for the purpose of the fic. I don't want to say too much because it will give it away, but I gave it a T rating for the ending. It's in Brooke's POV. Enjoy :)**

_Cigars in the summertime  
__Under the sky by the light  
__I can feel her read my mind_

"Can you believe we just graduated?" Lucas shouts, throwing his cap up in the air for the tenth time. I look at him and smile widely. Nathan comes over with a few cigars in his hand and places them into our hands.

"Cliché I know," he shrugs, passing the lighter to Lucas, "but hey, when you have an excuse, you have an excuse." Lucas laughs and quickly lights it up, the smoke going into my face.

"Gross," I grimace, waving the smoke the other way. He looks at me suggestively before turning away. He hands the lighter to me even though I hate smoking. I shake my head and hand the cigar back to Nathan, who lets out a dramatic sigh.

"Oh come on Brooke," he groans, trying to push it back into my hand. Before I can argue with him, Haley comes over and gently tugs on my arm.

"Sorry to steal her away, but it's picture time," she grins widely, pulling me away before the guys have any time to protest.

"Have I ever told you I loved you?" I say, breathing a sigh of relief that she rescued me. "I mean, I know I've said it before, but this time I mean it with all my heart, Bean." She giggles at the nickname I gave her when we were 3. For some odd reason, when we met she had trouble pronouncing Brooke. It was always just come out B, but to me it always sounded like Bean so from then on that's what I called her.

Peyton comes over with a smile plastered across her face. Her blonde curls bounce up and down as she rushes to catch up with us. "We finally did it," she says, wrapping her arms around Haley and me.

"We did," Haley nods her head in agreement, "I was worried that Tiger wouldn't make it though," she teases, reaching over Peyton's shoulder and ruffling my hair. Peyton laughs and nudges me with her hip.

"Shut up!" I yell in my own defense. She's lucky Peyton is in between us or else there would have been some serious pinching. "Just because I'm not as smart as you, doesn't make me stupid. I mean, I am going to NYU."

"True," Haley agrees, letting out a sigh. I know how much it upsets her when I talk about NYU but it has been my dream school since I was 5. Being away from each other will be hard, but we'll be able to make it work, we have to. "I'm sorry," she whispers and stops walking with us, causing Peyton's arm to fall right off of her shoulders.

"It's all you," Peyton smiles and nods her head back to Haley. "I'll see you later, okay?" She gives me one last hug and I watch as her blonde curls fly all over her head when she runs to meet up with her Dad.

"Come on, Bean," I whisper, pulling her next to me, "we'll go to my house and pig out on junk food." She looks up at me and smiles, trying to hard to fight back her tears. "Don't cry just yet," her face lights up and she laughs, "I'm not gone yet. You still have 3 whole months to cry over me."

_I can see it in her eyes  
__Under the moon as it plays like music every line  
__It's always Haley and me tonight_

"Haley," I groan for the umpteenth time while knocking on the door to her room. "Come on, I've got to go. My flight leaves in an hour." I can hear her crying in there and it breaks my heart to hear her. "Please come out?" I can feel the tears well up in my eyes when she finally opens the door, her eyes red and puffy.

"You can't leave," she tells me, wiping her eyes and grabbing a hold of my arm. "I won't let you." A heavy sigh escapes my lips as I try with all my might to get her hands off my arm. For such a small girl, she has quite the death grip.

"We've talked about this, Bean. You knew this day was going to come." I admit it, it's not the best choice of words, but we both know that today is the day I'm leaving for New York. She might not like it, I might not like it, but I have no choice. I have to go.

"I know," she sniffles, finally releasing her grip. I rub my red arm and wait for her to go on. "It's just that when you go to NYU you're going to meet loads of new people and forget about me in Tree Hill. And I don't want that to happen, Tigger."

"Hey," I say, lifting her chin up with my index finger so she's now looking at me. "No one will ever replace you, you got that? No matter how many people I meet and no matter how many miles are between us, you'll always be my best friend, Bean." The smile on her face lets me know she believes me and I can't help but breath a sigh of relief. At this point, we're both crying uncontrollably but neither of us seems to care.

Haley's the only person who has seen me cry. I was never the type of person to cry in front of people, not even my own mother. I never wanted the pretend comfort my mother gave me, I wanted real comfort. Haley is my real comfort and she helped me through some of the hardest times of my life. She helped me get over the death of my dog, Sparky; she helped me get over my first broken heart given to me by none other than Lucas Scott. We've been through thick and thin and I wasn't going to throw that away just because we'll be in different states.

She's silent for a minute before she hugs me around the middle and rests her head on my chest. I've always been the taller one out of us and I find it so cute that she has to stand up on her tiptoes to give me a hug around my shoulders. "You said we'd still be best friends no matter what, right?"

"Right."

"What if you meet one of the Olsen twins? What if they find you super cool and want to be your best friend? Then what?" I know she's being serious but I can't help but laugh. Yeah, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are rich and famous, but they've got nothing on my little Bean.

"I'll say I'm flattered but I'll apologize and say my best friend position is taken by the greatest person on the earth; Haley James." I wrap my arms around her tiny shoulders and ruffle her hair. "Besides, only Ashley goes there now."

She looks up at me with misty eyes and laughs. "Well if you ever run into her, tell her I'm a huge fan and push for an autograph."

"I'm not going to do that!"

"Why not!" She yells in disbelief, pulling out of our embrace and puts her hands on her hips. "Tigger, think of me here, suffering all alone without a best friend. No one to go thrift store hunting with, no one to go to the lost and found and claim dumb stuff. I'm going to be doing that all alone."

I wrinkle my nose and look at her weirdly. "Bean, we've never done that before." She shrugs and throws her hands up in the air in frustration.

"That's beside the point, Brooke!" She yells and takes a step back .I'm a little taken aback by her tone and she notices the surprised look on my face. "I'm sorry, Tigger." She sighs and looks down at her feet again.

"No need to be sorry," I tell her, taking a step forward and pulling her close to me, gently stroking her hair. My tears are falling into her auburn hair while her tears are staining my light blue shirt. But I don't care. All I care about is making sure she knows she'll never be replaced.

The horn outside beeps and I know it's my mother and father telling me to hurry my ass up. I promised it would only be a few minutes but by the looks of it it's been nearly a half an hour. "Bean, I have to go now."

Haley pulls back and sniffles, slowly nodding her head at me. "Okay," she whispers, turning around to go back into her room. I want to say something but I know she'll ignore me. "Wait one second, I got you something." Before I can protest, she comes back out with a small box wrapped in purple wrapping paper, my favorite color.

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"I know," she says with a small smile, "But I wanted to get you something that made you think of me. Something that would make you never forget me." I gently place the present into my purse and sit it down on the floor. "Call me when you get there, okay?"

"Okay," I whisper, wiping the tears that are falling down my face. We hug for one last time and neither of us is making an effort to let go. The horn beeps again and she immediately pulls back which makes me hate myself even more for leaving her. "I'll be back in a few weeks, so I'll see you then." I place a kiss on her forehead before leaning down to get my purse. She walks with me down the stairs and opens the front door for me.

"I love you, Tigger," she whispers, stepping aside so I can walk out onto the porch.

"I love you too, Bean."

_On the plane step up with both my feet  
__Riding in seat number 3 on a flight to NYC  
__Got my bean in a coffee cup next to my seat_

My parents were surprised to see me crying so much when I said goodbye to them at the airport. But I wasn't crying for them at all. They were never there for me like Haley was. They never told me it was going to be okay when Sparky died and they never told me there was someone much better out there for me when Lucas and I broke up.

After staring out the window for a while, I remember the present Haley gave to me before I left. I dig through my purse and take out the purple present, smiling to myself. I gently tear the paper off so I won't disturb the person next to me sleeping. After I throw the paper back into my bag, I open the small cardboard box and pull out a white coffee cup. There's a piece of paper sticking out at the top and I take it out and unfold it.

_This way everytime you look in here, you'll never forget me! Have fun and good luck at NYU._

_Love, Haley._

Haley was always that type of person who could cheer you up no matter what happened to you. She made you feel happy just being around her. Her presence is something I'll never forget. I slip the note into my back pocket and peer into the cup and immediately start laughing. In the cup is a small, black coffee bean. She's right, I'll never forget about her, but it wouldn't take a bean to make me remember her. We had so many good times throughout high school and I'll always remember them, no matter how old I get.

I take the bean out and put it in the palm of my hand. It's so hard not to break down and cry right here and now. I miss my Bean so much and I know she probably feels the same. I can't help but wonder what she's doing so I pull out my cell phone from my purse and glance down at the screen: No service. I should have known, I got caught up thinking about her and didn't even stop to think that there's no service in the air.

"_Duh, Tigger!"_ I can hear Haley laughing in my head. She was so much smarter than me and she took great pride in making fun of me when I got something wrong. But I never cared because it made her happy and seeing her happy made me happy. She was the youngest of seven and each and every one of her siblings never went to college and ended up either in jail or working dead end jobs. Haley always promised herself she would never end up like them and worked her ass off everyday through High School. Her parents were too busy trying to salvage their own relationship to pay attention to her. So everytime she made the honor roll, I took her out to dinner and we celebrated. Everytime she got an A, I would make her macaroni and cheese, which is her favorite food in the whole world. No one and I mean no one made macaroni and cheese better than me.

_Catch the view and another good book to read  
__Sitting at home over the friendly skies  
__Missing her eyes  
__It's always Haley and me tonight_

As the Taxi driver drives through Manhattan, I'm in complete awe of my surroundings. Tree Hill was probably half the size of this and was so much homier looking. This place was filled with loud, obnoxious drivers who do nothing but beep their horn when someone doesn't go as soon as the light turns green. I lean my head against the window and start to think about Haley. Usually around this time, we'd probably be in my car driving around Tree Hill looking for something to do. And no matter how many times we drove around, we always ended up at the same place. Seeing as the traffic seems to be stuck, I pull out the latest issue of Cosmopolitan and begin to flip through it.

"_Tigger, those magazines are filled with nothing but trash. You should be reading Time or Newsweek, anything but Cosmo! It won't teach you to get a job, it won't teach you about the real world. It will only give you signs that you're boyfriend is cheating on you and it will give you tips on how to approve your sex life!" _Haley's voice rings through my head again. I can't count the number of times she's tried to get me to stop reading all these 'trashy' magazines. But I can't help it, Cosmo is my bible and not even Haley can tear me away from it.

"It's not trash, Bean," I mutter to myself. The taxi driver looks at me through the rearview mirror and gives me a weird look.

"Who are you talking to?"

My face turns red of embarrassment and I bit my lip while trying to think of something to say. "No one. Sorry, I guess I was talking to myself." He laughs and takes a left turn, letting me know we're nearly there.

After what seemed like an eternity, my stuff is all moved into my dorm and I anxiously wait for my roommate to walk through my door. I know nothing about her except her name is Kelly Simpson and she's from New Hampshire. She seemed nice the one time I talked to her over the phone and we both have the same taste in music and love fashion.

"You must be Brooke," a female voice from behind me says, making me turn around. There stands a tall blonde who I'm guessing is Kelly. "I'm Kelly," she says, extending her hand out for me to shake.

"It's finally nice to meet you," I say while shaking her hand. She nods and places her suitcase next to the empty bed. "Sorry, I guess I just took the first bed I saw and it was this one," I sit down on the bed and listen to her laugh.

"It's no problem, I figured you'd be all unpacked by now."

Over the next few hours we get to talking about different things. We're getting along really well which is great because I was so nervous that she was going to be some psycho bitch like Nicki, Peyton's boyfriend's baby's Momma. But she wasn't. She was awesome and I was so happy we finally met. But there was only one problem.

She was no Haley.

_Cause Haley and me like to roll the windows down  
__Turn the radio up, push the pedal to the ground _

"What's wrong?" I ask when Haley gets into the car and slams the door shut, a pissed off look all over her beautiful face.

"Nothing," she snaps, reaching over and turning the radio up. "Just drive."

"Where to my lady?" I say in a horrible British accent, which makes her giggle. "Hey! I tried!" She continues to laugh and I reach over and lightly smack her in the head.

"I'm sorry Tigger, it's just that you sound like a drunk man when you talk like that." She giggles, leaning up against the window so I can't hit her again.

"Well," I pretend to be offended and place my hand over my heart, "I am so glad you have fun making fun of me. I for one am not enjoying it. But as long as you're happy-"

"You're happy," She cuts me off with one last laugh. "Hey, this is a good song!" Haley says, rolling down her window. She gestures for me to do the same and I comply while putting the top down to my powder blue bug.

"Hello, hello, hola! I'm at a place called Vertigo," Haley sings at the top of her lungs. I laugh and sing along with her.

"It's everything I wish I didn't know, but you give me something I can feeeeeeeel!"

Haley laughs and gives me a look. "Brooke, you can't sing for the life of you!" And she's right, but just to annoy her, I sing louder and more obnoxiously, which makes her cover her ears. "Tigger!" She whines, turning the radio down.

"Sorry, sorry." I laugh, patting her on the head. She groans and fixes her hair. "Are you ready to go?"

She nods and waits for me to pull out of her drive way. "Put the pedal to the metal." I nod and slowly begin to back up, on our way to our favorite spot, a place where no one can ever find us.

_And Haley and me like to gaze at starry skies  
__Close our eyes, pretend to fly  
__It's always Haley and me tonight_

"Did you see that!" Haley exclaims while pointing to the sky.

"See what?" I ask, propping myself up on my elbows and gazing up at the night sky. "See what, Bean?"

"The shooting star. You didn't see it?" She asks, turning to look at me. She frowns when I shake my head and points back up to the sky. "It was right there, next to Orion."

"Bean, what the hell is Orion?"

"It's a constellation, Tigger," she says in a snooty voice. "Didn't you take astronomy?"

"Yeah," I say with a shrug, "but I slept through most of it." I can't help but laugh when Haley groans and lies back down on the blanket. Ever since I got my drivers license a few months ago, we would come to the beach every Friday night and just look up at the stars. It was so peaceful just to lie in the sand and listen to the waves crash a few feet away from us.

"I can't believe you missed it," she pouts, turning her head to face me. I turn my head too so now we're facing each other. "I made a wish." She smiles like a schoolgirl and it just melts my heart to see how excited she is.

"You did?" She nods and places her hand on my arm. "What did you wish for?" The smile disappears from her face and she rolls over so I'm now looking at her back.

"You'll laugh," she mumbles, curling herself into the fetal position.

"I won't laugh," I say in all seriousness, waiting for her to turn over. "Bean, I won't laugh," I say again, this time gently tickling her side. She laughs and swats my hand away before rolling back over and facing me.

"Promise not to laugh?" She asks, waiting for my confirmation. When I nod my head, she takes a deep breath and goes on. "Okay, now remember you promised. I wished for us to be friends forever. No matter what happens," she whispers, rolling back over.

"Of course we'll be friends forever, no matter what happens." I say while rolling over to my side and propping my elbow up and resting my head on my hand. "Hey," I gently tap her on the thigh, "are you okay?"

She turns back to me with tears in her eyes and shakes her head. "My parents are fighting again. And this time my Dad is serious about leaving, Tigger."

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry," I don't know what else to say so I move closer and wrap my arm around her and lean in so our foreheads are now touching. "I'll always be here for you, remember that." I wipe away the few tears falling down her cheek and smile when she nods at me.

_Staring at a million city lights  
__But it's still Haley and I all alone beneath the sky  
__Feel the wind brushing slowly by_

Thankfully, Haley's Dad never left when he said he was going to. Her mother had somehow managed to make him stay again. I knew this was all very hard on Haley so I took her out again on Monday to get her mind off of things.

We don't say much because we were both beat from the long day at school earlier in the day. Haley has her head on my shoulder and she's drifting in and out of sleep as the cool wind from the ocean touches our exposed skin.

"It's a little chilly," I mumble to Haley who mumbles a very tired 'yes.' "Are you cold, Bean?"

"A little," She says, opening her eyes and taking her head off my shoulder to look at me. She wraps her arms around herself and laughs a little. "I guess a lot."

I rise to my feet and feel the wind whip through my hair. "I have a sweatshirt in my car if you want it."

"No, no," she says shaking her head. "I'll be okay."

"Well if you want it, it's in the backseat," I tell her while sitting back down. She nods and lets out a small yawn. "Do you want to go home?"

"No," She shakes her head quickly and her eyes tell me she's not telling me something. "Let's just stay here for a while."

"Okay," I nod, motioning for her to lie down. I can tell she's had a long day and something tells me her parent's didn't make it any easier. She yawns again and rests her head in my lap and grabs my hand with her left one.

"Taylor came home today," she practically whispers as I run my hands through her hair. She intertwines my fingers with hers a few times before resting her hand down on the sand.

"That's good."

"Not really," she sniffles, her voice about to crack. "She only makes things worse, Tigger. She's arguing with my parent's about stupid things and she's making my Dad really angry."

"I'm sure things will calm down in a few days," I try to say in a confidant voice but fail miserably. When Taylor comes home, she's only looking for trouble and this visit wasn't going to be any different.

She's silent for a minute before sitting up and shaking the hair out of her face. I look at her skeptically when she gets up to her feet and walks over to my car, climbing up on the hood and then onto the roof.

"Haley, what are you doing?" I ask cautiously as she stands up on the roof, staring blankly into the ocean. "Haley," I say again when she doesn't answer me. I walk over to the driver's side door and try to reach for her ankle. "Get down from there, you could fall."

"I don't care," she mumbles, walking around in circle on the tiny roof. If she falls to her right then she'll fall right onto the pavement, but if she falls to the left she'll land either on me or on the sand. "I can't do this anymore."

"Haley," I say, my voice rising in concern, "please come down from there. We can talk about this. Please, Bean?"

She looks down at me and shakes her head. "No."

"Haley!" I yell in exasperation, running my hands through my hair. "Don't make me come up there and get you." She opens her mouth to say something but I quickly cut her off. "Don't say I won't because I will."

"Catch me."

"What?" I say in confusion looking up at her. She's got her arms spread wide open and looks about ready to jump.

"Catch me," she says again. But before I can respond, she jumps off the roof and falls into my arms, knocking me into the sand. I groan and open my eyes to see her on top of me, grinning like a small child. "Nice catch."

"What the hell were you thinking? You scared me half to death!" I yell, gently pushing her head to the side. Her smile turns to a frown and she shifts her body and so her head is now resting on my chest.

"I'm sorry," she whispers in a small voice, running her fingers through the sand. I sigh and pat her on the back letting her know it was okay. "Your heart is really beating."

"That's because you really scared me, Haley," I say while she continues to run her fingers through the sand. "Please don't ever do that again."

"I won't," she whispers, looking up at me. All her weight is being pushed on my stomach and I'm trying so hard not to wince. She digs her elbows into my chest and pushes herself up on them to give me a kiss on the nose. "I love you, Tigger," she says with a small giggle.

"I love you too," I say back with a smile. "But your crushing me, get off." She looks somewhat shocked and rolls off of me and into the sand. And for no reason we start laughing like a bunch of idiots.

_If I could soar I'd try to take these wings and fly  
__Away to where the leaves turn red  
__But no matter where I am instead  
__Singing along to feeling alright  
__Or making it by under pink moonlight  
__It's always Haley and me tonight_

It had only been a few weeks since I last saw Haley. She seems pretty good and that made me feel more at ease about being so far away from her. Her parents are still fighting but she says they're not as bad as they were before.

New York in the fall is nothing like Tree Hill. In Tree Hill the leaves are red and orange as they cling to the tree trying to escape the strong wind threatening to rip them off. Here, the trees are all bare and the winds are much stronger than the ones back home.

NYU has been okay. But to my disappointment, it isn't everything I imagined it being. The classes are beyond full and I don't even know half the people in my class.

I sigh heavily and push away my economics book and glance at the coffee cup Haley gave me earlier in the month. I smile sadly and move the bean around with my finger. I miss her so much and I can't wait to go home this weekend and see her.

_Haley likes to get away  
__And drown her pain in lemonade  
__Haley dreams of rainy days  
__And nights up late, by the fireplace  
__And aimless conversations about the better days_

I excitedly run up the walkway to Haley's house. I notice a car in the driveway and figure it's best to knock rather than just burst through the door. After I knock a few times, I decide to open the door myself.

"Hello?" I call out to see if anyone is home. When no one answers, I walk into the kitchen and find Mrs. James sitting at the table with her head in her hands. "Mrs. James?"

She looks up at me startled. "Oh, Brooke, hello. I didn't hear you come in."

"I just let myself in, if that's okay." I say, trying to ignore the bruise that she's got around her right eye. She smiles and motions for me to sit down. I politely shake my head and look around the room. "Is Haley home?"

"Yes she is. She's just outside if you want to go out. I'm sure she'll be glad to see you." Mrs. James says, pointing to Haley through the kitchen window. I force a smile and let myself out the back door, taking deep breaths as I walk closer to her. I can see she's drinking lemonade, which only means one thing; something has happened to her.

She only drinks lemonade when something bad happens. She was drinking it when I found out her grandmother died when we were 8, she was drinking it when I first found out about the problems her parent's were having and she was drinking it after I told her I was going to NYU.

"Hi, Bean," I whisper while gently kneeling down in front of her. She looks up at me and her face immediately lights up. "I'm home."

She puts the lemonade down on the small table next to her and throws her arms around my neck. "I'm so happy you're home."

"Me too," I say, leaning into her chest. After a few minutes, we pull out of the embrace and just stare at each other, both in disbelief that I'm actually home. "Thank you for your gift. It really did help me remember you," I tease her and she gives me a small smile. "What's wrong?"

She looks at me and her eyes fill up with tears. I put the pieces together and sigh when she tells me her Dad has finally left. "After they had a fight, he, he hit her in the face and stormed out. And this was a few days ago so I don't think he's coming back, Tigger."

"Oh, Bean," I say in comforting voice and take her hands in mine. "At least it's over now, right? No more fights, no more nothing."

"I know," she sniffles, falling out of the chair and into my lap. "I just wish things didn't turn out the way they did. You leaving was hard enough, but now that my dad has left, it's just not fair." She sobs heavily into my shoulder and I can't help but cry myself. Her Dad was a good person believe it or not. But one day it seemed like he snapped and went through a personality change. Haley says it was because he lost his job, but I think it was because Haley's oldest brother, Tom, was sent to prison for five and a half years.

"Well I'm right here," I say to her, rubbing her back in hopes of getting her sobs to die down. After a few minutes of us both crying, she gets out of my lap and sits back down in the chair and takes one last sip of lemonade before throwing the cup to the ground. "So what else has been going on in your life?" I saw awkwardly, trying to move on.

"Nothing," she whispers, staring at the grass. "How's NYU?"

"It's okay," I say, trying my best not to upset her. "I have something for you." She looks at me in anticipation and watches me rummage through my purse. "Here you go," I say while handing her a folded up piece of paper.

"Tigger, what is this?" She asks in confusion while she unfolds the paper. Her eyes immediately widen and a smile breaks out upon her face. "How did you?"

"I ran into her one day at the bookstore and told her about our situation and she knew how I felt and she was really cool, Bean. She told me about her friend back home and how she misses her to death. But they make it work, so we can do. All we have to go is try our hardest and we can make it through this situation."

I can't help but smile when she glances down at the paper again in awe of Ashley Olsen's autograph. "Thanks, Tigger." She leans down and gives me a hug and I squeeze her tightly.

"Oh," I say, completely forgetting about the other present I got her. "I got you this too," I say while pulling out a stuffed Tigger out of my purse. She laughs and takes it in her hand and rests it in her lap. "Now you'll never forget about me."

_Singing along to feeling alright  
__Or making it by under pink moonlight  
__It's always Haley and me tonight_

The cold October wind whips through my hair as I kneel down in front of Haley's grave. Just two weeks after I went back to school and just two weeks after her Dad left, Haley committed suicide a week and a half before her birthday. The pain was just too much for her to handle and she ended up overdosing on her mom's sleeping pills.

I'll never forget the day I found out about her death. I was coming back from class when Kelly had a grave look on her face. I knew something was wrong and when she told me, I felt like I had been shot 10 times in the chest. Haley would never do something like that. Despite the problems her family had, she loved her live and we promised we'd be friends forever.

It wasn't true, it couldn't be true I remember telling myself. Haley would never kill herself, she promised me she would always be there for me. But unfortunately, it was true. So true in fact that I couldn't bring myself to attend her funeral. I know she's probably mad at me, but I couldn't accept the fact that she was gone. Her mom had told me she left me a note and to this day I still haven't read it.

But today on this chilly October day marks the one-year anniversary of Haley's death. And today I will read the note to her, to let her know I've gotten it. My hands shake as I take out the piece of paper from my jacket and begin to read it.

_Tigger-_

_I never meant for this to happen. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't. They were just in front of me and I couldn't fight the urge to down them. So I did, and now I'm gone and I am so sorry for leaving you like this. But I had to do it, Tigger. Please understand me when I had to do it. My Dad is never coming back and you're too far away to help me get over him leaving. And I am so proud of you for going to your dream school. I am so proud of you for pursuing your dream._

_I'm also sorry for making you think twice about going. I was being so selfish. But I didn't want to lose you, Tigger. You were my one and only friend and I loved you so much for helping me get through everything. It was hard to face the fact that you were gone, so hard. Sometimes I would call your house late at night after my parent's had another fight. Your mom would pick up and get annoyed when I didn't say anything because reality kicked in and you were really gone. I would quickly hang up in hopes of her not calling back to see what I wanted. And thankfully she never did call back. But I think she knew why I kept calling and she understood. _

_I'll always cherish the 14-year friendship we had. From the day we were 3 and met in the sandbox. I'll always remember when you started calling me Bean and sticking up for me when the other kids made fun of my size and called me small fry. I'll always remember the Friday nights we spent together on the beach just staring up at the stars and getting away from all the drama that filled our lives._

_But most importantly, I'll always remember you and your beautiful face. The way your hair curls when it gets humid out, the way your nose scrunches up when you laugh, the way your face lights up when you smile. I'll always remember your crappy singing voice, your constant complaining about school, your inability to be on time, your blonde moments. I'll remember the days we spent together up at your parents beach house, the days we spent together trying to cram for our SAT's even though you couldn't study for them, the days where we hung out at my house watching trashy talk shows all day, the days when it was too cold to go outside and we stayed up in your room while your mom made us hot chocolate._

_I'll remember it all, Brooke. I'll remember how sad I was when you left for NYU, I'll remember how hard it was to say goodbye, I'll remember when you and Lucas broke up and I stayed up with you all night while you cried your heart out. I'll remember baking you cookies when Sparky got hit by a car, I'll remember helping you with your math homework in 5th grade. I'll remember it all. And I'll never forget you Brooke Penelope Davis._

_Even though I'm gone, I'll still be with you. I'll be with you when you find yourself unable to sleep at night. Just look down into that white coffee cup and I'll be there for you. You can come visit my grave and tell me all your problems, I'll listen. You can visit me in ten years and tell me all about your life and your beautiful children. You can cry to me when things aren't going the way you hoped for. And most of all, you can talk to me if you just feel lonely. I'm always up for cheering you up._

_I know my body's gone, but my spirit still lives on if you let it. Please don't ever forget me, because I know I won't forget you. Remember that Tigger you got me? I left a note for my mom telling her to bury it with me. And I know she did. It will be like I never left. You're up here with me and if you find it in your heart to forgive me, I'll be down there with you._

_I love you so, so much, Tigger. We'll still be friends forever._

_Love, Bean_

"Of course I forgive you, Bean," I whisper to her grave, running my fingers across her name. My eyes are so blurry from the tears but I know she's here, comforting me like she said she would. "I'll never forget you." It's all I can say at the moment because I'm still trying to regain control of my emotions. It's hard to go on living knowing I'll never physically see her again. But her spirit is still down here with me. I pull the white coffee cup out of my bag and smile at the bean at the bottom of it.

_It's always Haley and me tonight_

**I know..Haley's dead, but on the brightside she's alive in my other fics. I didn't mean to depress anyone, I was just in a sad mood when I wrote this. **


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